note: this was originally written a few days before i gave birth and i never got the chance to post it in the ensuing chaos but still wanted to share. :)
so. i am officially 9 months pregnant. any hour now my body could start doing its labour thing and bam! i'm a mother of 2. exciting and marvellous and beautiful and all kinds of wonderful. except for one little thing. how will this exciting, marvellous, beautiful, wonderful change affect the relationship i have with my first-born? my completely-ridiculous-in-the-most-amazing-kind-of-way child who i have spent the last 7.5 years with. from attempting to make a family with his dad, to accepting that it wasn't going to happen, to learning how to be a family with just the 2 of us and totally kicking ass at it, to meeting dbr and integrating his awesomeness into our lives, falling in love with him and how we work as a family, to now, where we have decided to bring another life into our bubble. from 2 to 3 and now to 4.
so. i am officially 9 months pregnant. any hour now my body could start doing its labour thing and bam! i'm a mother of 2. exciting and marvellous and beautiful and all kinds of wonderful. except for one little thing. how will this exciting, marvellous, beautiful, wonderful change affect the relationship i have with my first-born? my completely-ridiculous-in-the-most-amazing-kind-of-way child who i have spent the last 7.5 years with. from attempting to make a family with his dad, to accepting that it wasn't going to happen, to learning how to be a family with just the 2 of us and totally kicking ass at it, to meeting dbr and integrating his awesomeness into our lives, falling in love with him and how we work as a family, to now, where we have decided to bring another life into our bubble. from 2 to 3 and now to 4.
i have spent the last 4 months not working or studying. a first for me in quite a long time and this has let me be one of those parents. the parents that drop their kids off at school every day and are waiting for them outside the classroom at the end of it. the parents that take their kids on regular trips to the library and the swimming pool and the park. the parents who have time and energy to invite other kids into their homes for after school hangouts. and it has been awesome. i still think that to be a good mama i need to satisfy my own needs, professionally, socially and mentally but this time that we have been able to be wrapped up in each other before this second child arrives has been precious.
i have known all along that the decision to make another baby would change my relationship with j and as this change gets undeniably close i find myself wanting more and more time for 'just us'. i guess the hormones and the hugeness of what is about to happen in our little family is really hitting me now. but there is another side to this. while the dynamics between j, r and i will all change, there is an excitement to seeing j in his new role as brother, leader, helper, mentor to this little child. lately he has been taking the initiative and doing more for himself saying "when the baby comes it will be better if i can make my own lunch for school" and acknowledging when he can do more for himself and just getting stuff done. in a way this makes me sad. to say good-bye to this phase of his childhood, but it also means welcoming a new, more mature and independent version of him. it will be interesting to see how this new maturity combined with big-brother-hood will evolve, change and enrich him.
and i can't wait.
I read this post yesterday just a few hours after writing one about my own anxiety about bringing a second child into the family. I've got a 2 year old and am due with #2 in August. Thank you for the optimistic point of view. I have been silently freaking out and feeling guilty because I know I will not be able to give my son the same amount of attention, so I needed a sane person to write something rational about the same issue.
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